Here are some classic out of the office auto reply messages sent by Claudia.

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 September. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see all the in-duh-viduals who did this)

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Jim'

One thing I've found in the business world, especially in Information Technology is that your work and performance is judged more by formalities, image and politics than your actual delivery or production.

To succeed in this industry, your number one priority needs to be the politics game, formalities such as status reports, time reporting, etc. While these tasks can be time consuming when added all up, sometimes the only way to get actual productive work done is to delegate or work lots of overtime. (Or a healthy balance of both).

So I think that my conclusion is that you always need to find the time to deal with the overhead of the politics and formalities no matter how well or badly things are going. If you can always stay on top of this, you will be better off in the long run.

Here are some interesting facts from the movie "March of the Penguins" care of Malcolm. It's amazing how dedicated Penguins are to their family.

- at the end of March (end of summer), walk 70 miles inland to mate, lay egg and raise baby
- find a mate when they arrive (each year)
- lay egg, mother cares for it first
- transfer egg to father beginning of June, walks back to the sea having lost a third of their body weight
- eggs of young parents often freeze due to inexperience doing transfer - egg takes seconds to freeze, literally cracking open before the parents' eyes
- mothers feed, some get eaten by seals, head back in July
- fathers endure -80F weather, 100 mph winds during storms, no daylight by mid-June
- huddle in masses of 1000, taking turns in the centre to keep warm
- July, light returns, babies start to hatch
- fathers have a single stash of food in their throat saved for their baby's first meal even though the father is starved
- mothers arrive, mates call to each other to find one another
- transfer baby, talk to each other so the pair and baby remember each others voices, baby gets its first real meal
- father walks back to the sea after 4 months without food, having lost half his body weight
- chick learns to walk by riding its mother's feet for about 1000 paces
- mid-winter worst storms hit, many chicks die
- some grief-stricken mothers try to steal others' babies, but the group of mothers help fight her off - gulls arrive, try to catch and eat babies
- end of August, mothers head back to the sea
- chicks left alone for the first time
- fathers return soon after, find their chicks by sounding their calls
- chicks pig out, look like little bowling pins
- fathers and mothers continue treks to the sea for food for the babies, back and forth, sometimes spending time together as a family
- the sea ice has been steadily thawing the whole time, making the treks shorter and shorte until the ice is a few hundred yards from the breeding grounds
- babies can now srvive on their own, couples part for the last time
- chicks continue to hang out for a few more weeks until the ice melts around them or beckons them in to the ocean
- December, the chicks, looking more like penguins now, jump in
- swimming is innate
- live at sea for 4 years
- in year 5, cycle repeats

I ran a computer program with my brother Tom's face to see what he's going to look like in 30 years. Scroll down for the result. By the way eligible ladies, Tom's email address is: tom_schwartz@hotmail.com. He is VERY single and VERY well hung ;) Tom, I'll take cash for the plug.

This one is for the boys. I'm not sure if other people can relate to this or not but I always have a person in the back of my mind who in spirit helps me get through certain difficult situations. I'll be sitting down somewhere; possibly on the Subway or in a restaurant, and I'll be unintentionally 'pitching a tent'. Sometimes I want to take down the tent because I need to stand up to get off the subway or leave the restaurant. But sometimes it's hard to de-assemble the tent, so there is a certain person, of a certain unflattering physical appearance who I picture in my mind to help me to 'bring it down'. I thank this person for always being there for me. It works every single time!

Recently I have thought about purchasing a condo in Toronto. I am having second thoughts after my week in Los Angeles. The two guys I was with in LA rented a Mercedes SLK 350 Coupe/Roadster for a day. After taking this sweet thing for a spin, I was in love and I was thinking to myself that it's either I buy a condo, or I buy this car. lol. You wouldn't believe how fast you can go around a corner in this beauty, and the power in her 268 horse power engine is amazing. Words can't express how I feel about this car, so why not leave it to the Mercedes-Benz website to describe it for me:

"From any perspective, it's pure exhilaration. We can try to describe it to you, but ultimately it's only when you've experienced the SLK that all the words and numbers ring true. Welcome to the intense rush that is the 2006 SLK-Class."

Last time I had this feeling was when I was 19, I had rented a Jeep in Moab, Utah. Less than a year later I owned a Jeep. Although the $65,000 price tag on the Benz will probably prevent me from purchasing it anytime soon ;)

I just arrived in the beautiful city of San Diego, California. It has been quite a long haul the last couple days. I'm testing the threshold of the human body to see how much it can withstand. I worked 12 hours yesterday, then went home to do my laundry. After my laundry I went out with some friends around 11:30 (Cousin Geoff, Constantine and the crew) and didn't get home until about 5AM (I wanted to pull an all nighter since I had an early flight this morning). I packed in about 10 minutes flat and rushed to the airport to catch my 8:00 flight to LA. I landed in LA around 10AM LA time (1PM Eastern) and drove a few hours to San Diego. The only sleep I've had since Thursday night is when I dozed off on the plane for an hour or so. I woke up with drool on my chin. I'm sure it was entertaining for the nearby passengers. It has been 33 hours since I've removed my socks or shoes. It feels fabulous to finally take them off.

Southern California is much more beautiful than I had expected with the mountains, palm trees and the Pacific Ocean. Los Angeles was exactly what I was expecting. 15 lane freeways, millions of houses for miles covered by a beautiful blanket of smog. I took the Interstate down along the coast of the Pacific Ocean and once you leave the LA area, the scenery is amazing. Houses on top of mountains, palm trees, cliffs, etc. I stopped in a little beach town and saw a fast food restaurant called "FatBurger". That's quite the marketing idea. It didn't look too busy.

San Diego looks like an amazing city so far. After I shower and clean up I'm going to go wandering without aim around the downtown core.

View from my hotel	cali Beach

Golfing yesterday was a lot of fun. Driving golf carts while drinking is one of the only places where drinking and driving is legal in Canada. We were golfing on a really nice course and my golf cart seemed to go twice as fast as everyone elses, so I would drive down a hill extremely fast, then slam on my brakes on the grass and turn the wheel to do a 180 degree turn. It was pretty hilarious, especially after a couple beers. One time we even took the cart through the sand trap. This is very bad golf etiquette, and frowned upon by most; but indeed funny at the time. The other highlight of the day was when our buddies drove the ball pretty close to use on the last hole, so 2 of us tee'd up off the fairway from 250 Yards from the tee and drove it right back at them.

On a separate note, I received a speeding ticket on my motorcycle 2 nights ago on my way home from a late hockey game. First of all, why are the cops giving out speeding tickets at 3:30 in the morning. The speed limit was 60 and there was nobody on the road at all, so I don't see the harm in riding 85KM/Hour in a 60 zone. I guess the cops are bored at that time of the night. I told the officer that it was late, I was tired, and I just wanted to get home to bed. He said he "appreciates my honesty". But he still wrote a ticket anyway.

I guess I was due for a speeding ticket. I haven't had one since 1997.

A Canadian Search and Rescue team arrived in a flooded New Orleans suburb to save trapped residents 5 days before the US military or FEMA arrived; even while floodwaters were still 8 feet deep in places. The team has been lauded by a Louisiana Senator for their quick response.

Two FEMA officials reached the parish on Sunday and the U.S. Army arrived on Monday, said Senator Walter Boasso.

"Why does it take them seven days to get the Army in?" Boasso asked.

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On my way home from Florida yesterday I was standing at the airport waiting to get my suitcase from baggage check. There were 2 people standing near me that reminded me of the movie Happy Gilmour. It was a man in his 40's with a moustache resembling that of Ben Stiller's moustache in the movie Happy Gilmour. There was also a 70 or 80-year old lady standing with him with a huge black eye. I feel badly for this old lady, but I couldn't help but recall the movie Happy Gilmour where Ben Stiller played a male orderly looking after Happy Gilmour's grandmother in a nursing home. Although appearing to treat his residents well, he actually abused and exploited the old people at the nursing home when nobody was watching.

On a side note, it cost me almost $80 to fill up the Jeep yesterday. Time to park the Jeep and use my motorcycle, bicycle, walk or Subway. I will not support the gas companies whose primary goal is to gouge customers when they see an opportunity to do so.

The extent of the damage in New Orleans is overwhelming, and it's totally unimaginable what the victims are going through. I find it unfathomable with the amount of money being pumped into Iraq every day that there can be 15,000-20,000 people stranded, homeless and running out of food and water. You can be sure that if there were 15,000-20,000 US Marines with no supplies, it wouldn't take long to have the supplies refreshed. Bush has promised that relief is on the way and has passed a $10 billion dollar relief bill; but I think that with the urgency of the current situation, this relief should be expedited and shouldn't take 5 days to pass through congress.

I'm in Florida right now, so I'm not far from a lot of people that have been affected by the hurricane. I spoke to a lady in my hotel from New Orleans and when I inquired if this was a planned or a forced vacation, she replied that it was forced. She and her family fled their home on Sunday evening and came to Florida. Her home is likely gone now; she heard that her area had over 8 feet of water in it. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a couple suitcases full of belongings and just knowing that everything else is gone now. But the real people who are suffering are the people who weren't as fortunate as this lady. These are the people who don't have cars or a credit card to take them to Florida. These are the people that don't have family or friends outside of their neighbourhood, and these are the people that are stuck inside a dirty sweaty dome or a convention centre.

More Americans in the area need to step up and unlock their deadbolts and welcome some of the victims into their homes to give them some good old-fashioned European-style hospitality.