After 2 months of repeadedly spewing out Anchorman quotes, I've finally decide to post them here. Brick is my favourite character in the movie; every time I see him I burst out laughing.

Ron Burgundy: I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.

Veronica Corningstone: [after smelling the Sex Panther cologne] Ugh... it smells like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food!

Ron Burgundy: It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice.

Brick Tamland: [struggling] The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?
Veronica Corningstone: Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
Brick Tamland: That's it.

Brick Tamland: I drank a lava lamp. It wasn't lava.

Brick Tamland: I pooped a hammer.

Spanish Anchor (Ben Stiller): Como estas, bitches?

Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Harken, this city needs its news. And you are going to deprive them of that because I have breasts? Exquisite breasts? Now, I am gonna go on, and if you want to try and stop me, bring it on. Because I am good at three things: Fighting, screwing, and reading the news. I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be? Huh?
Ed Harken: [thinks about it] ... Screwing?

... thought I'd also post this:


 

Every day on my commute to work (12 minute walk), I walk by a street level office for a company called "Manpower Inc.". The poster on the window has the corporate Manpower logo and a picture of a woman. Upon looking into the office, I notice that every single person working in this office is a woman. There are about 40 women working in the office for a company called "Manpower".
 

In February, I posted an article entitled Club Bouncer Egos. Well the club I was referring to is an after work bar in Toronto called Shmooze. A girl I know through a friend had a bad experience at this same club and shared her experience by writing an article to a Toronto Newspaper (The Metro). I decided to post it here:

Hello Chris,

I caught your recent profile on Shmooze in Friday's (April 22) metro and thought I would share my recent experience with you.

Having visited Shmooze a few times in the last month, I have come to identify a certain method in the madness of the infamous 'Shmooze line up.'

Getting into Shmooze after 5 is somewhat like getting into the gates of heaven, (to be expected when $2 drinks are on the table.) The disconcerting thing about it is that entry into heaven seems to be a heck of a lot easier if you are Caucasian.

Here is a little story from this Friday. We got into the line up at 5 o'clock and it was moving along. We happened to be waiting for a few people so we had the opportunity to watch the goings on for a while. Oddly the line ground to a complete halt once it got to people of color. In fact, the bouncers actually went through the line tapping certain 'lucky' people, granting them entry. All of these 'lucky' people had one thing in common, they all happened to be Caucasian. After waiting for an hour, we girls ended up being let in. However when we requested the bouncer to let our two male friends through as well, we were pointedly told that it was quite likely that they would have to wait an additional hour to get into the Mecca that is shmooze. Once inside we were told by another bouncer that if our friends were 'brown' there was really nothing he could do to speed up the process.

Perhaps I am naive in wondering how things like this can still happen in our wonderfully multicultural city? Does common decency fly out the window once an overweight man is given a clip board and head set? I understand that Shmooze is a private establishment, which reserves the right to refuse entry to people, but is it acceptable that such entry is subject or rather delayed through a test of skin pigmentation?

My advice to all is 'you won't Not get into shmooze if you are of colour, you just have to be prepared to stand in line an extra hour or two, and put up with unnecessary attitude and fleeting looks of disgust from the bouncers.'

A conundrum really: Dignity vs. $2 martinis.

Darlene

 

The Security guard that works in my building is quite the character. On multiple occasions this man has confronted me in a huff, steam coming out of his ears because he's mad at something I've done. But every single time he does this, about 30 seconds later he's perfectly fine with what I have done.

For example, tonight I went into the laundry room at 10:50PM this evening to throw in one more load of laundry. The laundry door locks at 11:00, so I figured I could stay a bit past 11:00 as long as I didn't leave the room. He comes barging into the laundry room having a fit because I was doing my laundry so close to 11:00. So I told him I'm just waiting for my last load to finish. So he says "No man, you just put your laundry in! I saw you. I saw you on the TV.. you just put it in! I saw it on the TV!" So I told him not to worry, I'll just close the door behind me when I leave since it will only take 20 minutes or so. So then he's okay with me doing my laundry, and I saw him about 20 minutes ago downstairs and he asked me if my laundry was done and if it went well.

I think it's hilarious how he makes everything a big deal at first, then it becomes a very small deal after his initial raging rhetoric. My first encounter with him was the night before I moved in, I brought a couple of boxes and he was yelling at me because I'm not supposed to move in after 7PM. I replied "It's only a couple of boxes man". Then he became the nicest guy and held the doors open for me.

I think I like him better after midnight because he's always sleeping at his security desk, so he doesn't bother anyone.
 

It's always nice to have something to read when sitting on the John. Due to the lack of reading materials in my bathroom, I've noticed myself lately reading the back label on the Shampoo bottle.

It's interesting to read the directions on the bottle of Herbal Essences. It reads:

"Massage into wet hair and indulge in the luxurious lather. Surrender to the intoxicating fragrance. Rinse when ready."

Talk about branding! I feel like I'm watching and Herbal Essence commercial by simply reading the directions.
 

In this fast world full of technology, most of the things we do in our daily lives require some sort of technology; and the traditional hobbies that don't require technology are quickly becoming a smaller part of our lives.

Dr. Robert Oppenheimer (1904-1967) who played a big part in the creation of the atomic bomb came to realize the dangers of technology and science. He thought and wrote about the problems of intellectual ethics and morality. He was also well aware of the future of the world's global community that the Internet brought well after his death.

Here are some Robert Oppenheimer quotes:

"I am become death, the destroyer of worlds."

"In some sort of crude sense, which no vulgarity, no humor, no overstatement can quite extinguish, the physicists have known sin; and this is a knowledge which they cannot lose."

"The open society, the unrestricted access to knowledge, the unplanned and uninhibited association of men for its furtherance - these are what may make a vast, complex, ever growing, ever changing, ever more specialized and expert technological world, nevertheless a world of human community."

"When you see something that is technically sweet, you go ahead and do it and you argue about what to do about it only after you have had your technical success. That is the way it was with the atomic bomb."

I would like to know that I still do things that don't require technology, so I have made a small list of some of the things I do regularly in my life that I could have still done a century ago.

- Walking & Running
- Sex (Mom, If you're reading this please skip to next line)
- Hockey
- Reading books and writing
- Push-ups and sit ups
- Socializing

During the blackout in 2003, I was in Toronto at the time. The entire city and many other cities across Canada and the US were blacked out for more than 1 day. The blackout brought out the best in most human beings. Ordinary citizens went to the streets to help direct traffic. Neighbors were outside on their front yards talking to each other, something that rarely happens with our fast-paced lives. People were calling their mothers to confirm that they are okay.

Pulling the plug on our technology that summer of 2003 was probably the best thing that could happen to bring our society back to a traditional way of life where people actually appeared to care for one another.
 

Contrary to popular belief, Chinese men's penises are no smaller than those of westerner's according to a recent Hong Kong study. The average length of their flaccid penises was 3.33 inches, which compared favorably with similar studies on other men overseas.

Germans have average lengths of about 3.4 inches, Israelis 3.27 inches, Turks 3.07 inches and Filippinos 2.89 inches. Italians were the longest at 3.54 inches, and Americans averaged 3.46 inches.

The study did not measure the penises when they were erect.

So the Chinese are off the hook, but it looks to me like the Filippinos have been "short changed". ;)

Full Story from Yahoo News


 

The Toronto fire Dept. is desperately battling a fire this morning. I stood there watching the Fire Dept battle this fire for over 2 hours. But still the fire persists. The roof has collapsed, but this fire will not subside. I can see them battling this fire from my bedroom window right now. I smell like smoke from watching it from the front row.

Here is a video of the fire, and here are some pics from the gruesome battle.


 

Have you ever been eating something and even though your hunger has subsided, you still eat because you love the taste so much?

Well I had a late dinner this evening, around 9:30PM, and I hadn't eaten since I ate a sandwich for lunch around 3:00PM, so I was pretty hungry. The idea was that I would eat half of the Delissio rising crust pizza for dinner and take the other half to work the next day. Well it tasted so good to me that I ended up eating the whole pizza. Now I feel sick to the stomache and I'm already regretting eating the whole pizza. I think I'll go for a 10K run first thing in the morning.


 

I returned home last evening from a weekend up north where the beautiful weather allowed me to escape from the city to a cottage and hike along Canada's longest footpath, climb a 220 meter ski hill by foot and by Jeep, toboggan down the ski hill in a recycling box, cross a suspension bridge and all the while managing to get a pretty good tan.

The temperature was beautiful in Collingwood Ontario; close to 20 degrees Celsius, but there was still snow on the ski hill so the hiking was interesting. We hiked for about 20 kilometers along the Bruce trail, Canada's longest footpath that spans more than 800KMs along the Niagara Escarpment. The Bruce trail was instrumental in the Escarpment being named a UNESCO World Biosphere Reserve by the United Nations in 1990.

Below are some pictures from the weekend:

Army vehicles along the Bruce trail	Swan in a pond
Suspension bridge	Same suspension bridge
Tim climbing a pole on the ski hill	Tim at the top of the pole
Driving up mountain in the Jeep	From the top of the mountain

 

Condoleeza Rice pulls out her guns once again. This time she's telling the UN that it must reform or it will die. Condoleeza seems to have all the answers to the world's problems, and the sharpshooter Condoleeza's answer always seems to involve shooting her big guns.

Ms Rice said Mr Bolton, who has pledged to work to improve UN accountability and has complained of overlapping programs and mandates, was needed to help update and reform the organization.

Mr Bolton has said that the UN needs US leadership to get it back on track, and that it should focus more on human rights violations and international terrorism.

The UN cannot survive unless it is lead by the US and preemptively attacks countries to counter "terrorism". I have a solution; how about Ms. Rice heads the UN, and her and Mr. Bush can make all decisions at their own discretion. Ms. Rice would have the right to veto Mr. Bush, but she wouldn't because they will always agree. If another country doesn't agree with Mr. Bush or Ms. Rice, that is grounds to attack said country. After all, a country belongs to an axis of evil if they don't agree with the US.

This would be a perfect would. A world police without any barriers; with the right to force democracy all over the world.


 

Bribing Saddam Hussein for oil contracts in Iraq is no longer necessary now that the US has control of that country.

Texas oil tycoon David Chalmers Jr, his oil company Bayoil of Texas, and Bayoil Supply & Trading Ltd, based in the Bahamas, face federal criminal charges as part of the scheme to pay millions of dollars in secret kickbacks to Iraq. The indictment charges that the bribes were paid so the Bayoil companies could sell Iraqi oil under the UN program. Also charged in the plot were Ludmil Dionissiev, a Bulgarian trader living in Houston, and John Irving, a British oil trader, according to the indictment unsealed in the US District Court in Manhattan.

Now that UN Secretrary General Kofi Annan has been cleared of wrongdoing over the Iraq Oil for Food program, the truths behind the scandal are beginning to be revealed.

Interestingly enough, Scott Ritter, a former weapons inspector in Iraq received $400,000 between August 2000 and June 2001 from Michigan real estate developer Shakir Al Khafaji for a documentary film he was making to show how the inspection effort had successfully disarmed Saddam Hussein. A month after the money was given to Ritter, Khafaji showed up on the list of UN Oil for food program oil voucher recipients for the first time, selling a little more than 2 million barrels of oil for a profit of nearly $1 million. The oil was sold through a middleman to Bayoil, David Chalmer's company, according to a joint investigation by the Financial Times newspaper and an Italian business journal.

I think politics and corporations are knit together too closely. It makes it difficult to be a powerful politician and not have any conflicts of interest. Politics is merely just a layer on top of corporations to increase a corporation's power; and as a result greedy corporations benefit from political decisions. It’s unfortunate, but this is our world.

Los Angeles Times Article

BBC News Article
 

A heartless mother in Toronto received 3 years in prison for leaving her child to die in a swelteringly hot apartment while she was out "clubbing". Clara DaSilva was sentenced yesterday for her child's death in September 2002 in which her child was left alone for 33 hours in the sweltering 35C apartment with no water or food.

"On four separate occasions on four days, Clara DaSilva simply abandoned her daughter, once for work and three times for pleasure." When her co-workers asked her how she was able to go dancing every night with a young child at home, she lied to them and said she had a babysitter taking care of her kid.

This is murder in the worst kind of way. This helpless child died a horrible and unnecessary death. The child suffered "severe diaper rash" that was akin to second degree burns from being left alone for so long on so many occasions. Sometimes I think Canada's justice system is far too relaxed; I think this mother deserves at least 10 years for neglecting her 2 year old child while she partied and slept over at a man's house whom she had met at the club.

The husband plans to appeal the sentence, I hope he is successful.

Full Story: Link
 

This goes out to all of the drivers out there who by default have Road Rage toward all cyclists on the road. I trekked 50 kilometers today around the city running errands and I encountered many of these anti-cyclist drivers. Let it be known that WE cyclists are doing YOU a favour. There are more than 900,000 cyclists, and more than 225,000 year-round cyclists in Toronto. Could you imagine the traffic problems the city would have if all of these people were driving cars? This is a huge benefit to those who still choose to drive in the city.

As a result of the many cyclists in the city:

- Gas prices are cheaper
- There are less cars on the road / less traffic jams
- The air is less polluted
- Parking costs are reduced and availability is increased

So next time you think about going on a frenzied rampage and drive 1 inch away from hitting me while accelerating away like a madman, remember that us cyclists are doing YOU drivers a favour.
 

Here are some quotes from one of the most influential Prime Ministers in Canada's history (Pierre Elliott Trudeau - 1919-2000):

"Reason over passion."

"Be ready when opportunity comes...Luck is the time when preparation and opportunity meet."

"The essential ingredient of politics is timing."

"Canada will be a strong country when Canadians of all provinces feel at home in all parts of the country, and when they feel that all Canada belongs to them."

"We wish nothing more, but we will accept nothing less. Masters in our own house we must be, but our house is the whole of Canada."


 

I'm at a loss for words. I love the new Mustang, I have nothing else to say





 

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught - your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that the caller will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is: "Ignore my last message. I took care of it". If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" - a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed. According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6. Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc...) and during public holidays.

7. Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are very hard pressed.

8. Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc...you can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.

9. Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with
bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
 

Humans are an interesting species when it comes to food. (Don't worry, I'm talking in third person here; I don't consider myself to be another species; although some may disagree).

When it comes to food, humans will blindly indulge food that has been prepared for them subconsciously ignoring the ingredients of said food. I have on many occasions found myself to be very conscious of how much butter I'm applying to a bagel when I'm preparing it for myself. When it's being prepared by a store, I'm intentionally ignorant to the fact that they are applying significantly more butter to my bagel than I would have ever considered applying myself. I eat it, I love it, and I don't feel guilty about it. The same applies when I'm drinking a Pepsi; I'm ignorant about the amount of sugar in that Pepsi, but if I was at home mixing Kool-Aid, there'd be no way on earth I would wittingly pour in the amount of sugar that the Pepsi corporation would use when preparing its soft drinks.

That's why most things I buy at a store or a restaurant taste better to me; because the foods are worse for me, and I would feel guilty using the same ingredients when preparing the meal myself. When preparing a homemade pizza, I don't pour grease into the bottom of the pizza pan. A friend of mine who worked at Pizza Hut would tell you that this is precisely what Pizza Hut does with their pizzas. But we don't see it; we eat it, and we love it; spoiled as we are.

Long live junk food!


 

As everyone is already aware, the Pope has passed away this weekend. According to an account published in an Italian Newspaper, the Pope's last word was "amen". After reading this, I wondered what my last words would be, so I put together a top 5 list. Vote for your favourite.

1. F#ckin A
2. Latez
3. Peace Out
4. See you in Hell Biatches!
5. Keep it real dawgs

In other news, below are a few pictures of me out with the boys over the last couple weekends.

Adam and I	Mike and Adam
Tyler and the Wolfe man	Tim and Mark
Mark and I	Tim with a scary look in his eyes

Mother Nature herself has embarrassingly defeated me. She has employed all of her high powers to conquer me, and I have submissively and without dignity conceded to her higher will.

2 days ago, the temperature was about 14 degrees Celsius. For all you old school chumps or Americans, that's approximately 58 degrees Fahrenheit. Considerably warm by my standards, especially for the end of March. Mother Nature knew that I had an 8 kilometer running race this morning (PowerBar Spring Run-Off 8K), so she lowered her temperature down to 0 degrees Celsius (32 Fahrenheit) and she dumped millions of large fluffy wet snowflakes down on me. Waking up without much time to get to my race this morning, I threw some clothes on quickly without too much consideration and took the subway to my race. The plan was to take off my jogging pants and sweater near the beginning of the race and run the race with shorts and a t-shirt. Not bloody likely considering the weather, so I decided to run the race with my sweater and my jogging pants, both of which are far from being water resistant.

As a result, I ran the race weighing about 10 pounds more than my body weight. Then Mother Nature decided to blow a very hard wind at me, along with the snowflakes protruding my eyes. Half the race I could barely see 2 meters in front of me, but I kept going. Just as I was thinking that Mother Nature had already had her final laugh, she throws one more sucker punch at me. The course consisted of some very steep inclines and declines, which I was managing okay for the first 7.8 kilometers or so. The last 200-meter stretch was a very long steep hill, all the way to the finish line. So much for the finish-line sprint that I had thoroughly looked forward to. I got to the finish line and felt like dying, it was the most difficult run I'd ever endured, and Mother Nature didn't help one single bit.

In hindsight, my time wasn't too bad; it was 34 minutes and 10 seconds (107th overall out of 1246). (Full results) I had someone tell me after the race that his time was the same as his regular 10K time, so that made me feel better too. Here are some pictures of me in my defeated state.

Today's running attire	View of the snowstorm from my balcony